Shaking off responsibility, lightly
(But not without reflection)
While I was in supervision this past week, talking about a tough case, I found myself sitting back and making a declaration I never would have made a few years ago. It went something like this:
‘even if something were to go really wrong, I don’t feel responsible’
It has taken me quite a few years to get to this lighter relationship with my work in human services.
There is something about the intersection of caring very much about what you’re doing, seeing the depth of someone’s need, and having a specific relationship to that need which makes it hard to not feel responsible when things are bad.
In my darker moments of the mind, I have even sometimes thought that it may be going poorly because of my involvement. At those times, even if someone were to say to me ‘it’s not your fault’, or ‘you have to look at this in context’, I would not have felt that subtle shift signally I believed their words. Instead, I would have seen their words more as a kind-hearted attempt to reassure me, rather than any form of truth.
Over time, however, I have begun to notice my own internal shift.
First, a deeper awareness that I am just a very small part of this picture. There really is only so much that my work can do. Both with the client and also with those around them.
The touchpoints I have with clients and their supporters is generally minuscule compared to the total number of minutes in their day. Even for the most intensive clients on my caseload, when I look at how much direct time I spend with them or those in their environment, at most it could be 2-3 hours on average across a week. That is a tiny amount of time, compared to all the people encountered in that week, from formal supports to random strangers to family members.
And even if I started working with a client a few years ago, this still often represents just the tiniest of timepoints on their overall life trajectory. So many people have gone before me, and will continue to go by while I am here. I am working at the end of that long line of people, the most significant of those being the people who raised or are raising my client and are their family.
I am a tiny piece of their puzzle
Next, no matter how amazing my work may be (and it certainly is not always like that!), I am still just one of many workers in their life. Regardless of what profession I come from, most if not all of my clients have a team of professionals in their life. I have one little pin on this board, and no matter how important it may seem to me, it is just one little place to rest.
If I seem to occupy a significant place, or the client themselves indicates that I do, I can also see how other people come along at key moments and the whole dynamic can change. From what someone says, to how it is delivered, to how it is received in the moment. Or someone might arrive on the scene with a specific item that just changes everything, from something as simple as a pack of cigarettes or a football T-shirt. Everyone’s world is so dynamic in the moment.
No one person or professional is the instrumental change-maker in any scenario. They may give key bits of information that set a direction, or change pace, but the client is the one who absorbs and keeps on moving. Keeps on integrating everything into the constantly evolving picture of their own life.
I am one of many in this picture
Even while I am holding these positions lightly, I also feel the significance of what I am doing. As I mentioned in supervision too:
‘I know if something really bad happened, I would have to account for what I did … but I still would not feel responsible’
Perhaps I am particularly lucky in that I do not provide any form of direct physical or medical intervention. But I do nevertheless provide advice or recommendations that may explain particular actions or lead people to look in my direction. Therefore, it is a responsibility that is deserving of time in supervision and a thorough, hard look at myself. A responsibility that has to be held, with respect and seriousness.
Just not held too tightly.
I hope this short reflection helps lift any heavy feelings on difficult days.
