Tread lightly in the space of another
The privilege of presence🌻
When I reflect on times I have engaged with professionals, I know that I start from a low and suspicious base.
I protect my self.
If I have to share in order to conduct the business at hand, I do. But I keep the details to a minimum, and I evaluate how safe I feel in the engagement.
Depending on how much I trust the professional, I will decide how much more I might share.
If I take that leap of faith, and share some more, I can feel myself standing on a ledge. It feels uncomfortable. I’m aware that I’m placing my trust in the other person not to push.
I have had very few professionals in my life about whom I would call them ‘mine’ (as in, ‘my doctor’, ‘my counsellor’).
I am also acutely aware of my privilege as a person receiving services.
I have never had uninvited professionals turn up at my door.
Even more than that, throughout all of my childhood and adult life, I can recall only one time when a professional came inside my home. This was a visiting midwife when my daughter was only 2 weeks old, and was part of a universal health program provided by the government.
The only other professionals who have ever come into my home have been real estate tenancy inspectors. A managed, curated experience that was inherently superficial.
The point of all this is to say that the relationship of trust between a professional and their client is not something created through a few contacts in a clinical setting and some comments inserted for therapeutic alliance. It requires a much deeper quality of warmth, humility and regard, demonstrated repeatedly over time.
If the visit includes also entering or being in the vicinity of the client’s home, the process of trust building is likely much harder and longer.
Anyone who has had experience of involuntary work, either receiving or providing, knows the shame that can come from having professionals at your home.
That white car parked out the front, its company insignia visible to the neighbours or casual passersby. A person in professional clothing slowly approaching the front yard, notebook and pen in hand. The anticipation of judgment.
Even apparently kind gestures, made with an intention to communicate goodwill, can quickly become unpleasant. Why are they responding like that? Why are they noticing this? What are they here for, these strangers? Resident thought bubbles.
For those of us privileged to work in the homes and spaces of our clients, it is a heavy privilege to hold. It requires a commitment to relationship well beyond the intake and assessment point. It asks us to be the professional that, over time, we would be happy to welcome in and trust with our private moments.
As best I can, I strive to bring as much of me to these delicate intersections with another’s space. I do not always get it right, but wherever possible I try to share my spirit and presence as an offering of trust. Simple things like what makes me laugh, and important people and places in my life.
While there is much said about the importance of professional boundaries, when you are in the physical space of your client you are more than a professional in that moment. You must also be a fellow human being, with a common cause of love and concern, one for another.
Tread lightly and with care, for it is not always comfortable or safe to have us here.
